Identity Photoshoot 1: Final
In creating this set of photos, I wanted to emphasize a sort of juxtaposition in mood. Elements such as the sparkling trail of glitter tears down the model’s face, the party-themed streamers in the background, the older fabric on the floor, and the dreamy blue-and-purple lighting all contribute to an atmosphere of bliss and unreal euphoria. However, the story is threaded together by a motif of grief; in this whirlpool of light and color, there are the deepest, bluest of emotions.
1. Denial
Denial is the small, hesitant smirk on our faces when we receive the news. It’s not true. Of course, it’s not true. Denial is the tiniest, choked laugh that escapes our lungs as an imaginary fist makes contact with our stomach.
People think of denial as a phase of weakness and hypocrisy—you need to come to terms with reality—but I think it is the very opposite. In this phase of loss, we often know what we are experiencing, and are consciously aware of the truth of the circumstances. However, it is the strongest parts of us that hold love and passion for things in our lives that insist on denying such circumstances. We are already marked by the slash of tragedy; you can see it on our faces, plain and simple, that narrow stream of blooming tears—but we refuse to come down with it. This is denial, a stage of strength, not weakness.
Techniques used:
- Yellow lighting in front, lighting the face.
- Purple/blue lighting (mild, at about 3~6 on the controls) in the back, lighting the model’s back and the backdrop.
- Slightly tilted camera, sense of disorientation.
- Three spots of reflection: glitter on the face, sequins on the sweater, streamers on the floor.
- Gaze looking away from the camera.
- Foot visible in the background, but is blurred.
- Filtered lights on the backdrop but not on the model, sense of perspective.
- Excess of ground space to create a feeling of discomfort and something being “off”.
2. Bargaining
You can always see it when the light leaks out of someone’s eyes, and I think it happens in this phase of bargaining. It is where we first come to terms with what is happening to us, around us, and within us. There are still people helping, doors and windows open, and light rushing in, but we turn our gaze to somewhere far away because escape to a land of pondering and pining is sweeter than living a life that feels like it needs to be resuscitated and sustained by sympathizers. The what-ifs and what-nows start to flood our thoughts. Grief is the process of breaking a million old habits and replacing them with a million more new ones; we search these thoughts for potential new ones.
Techniques used:
- Purple lighting (this time with more red and less blue) from the left, directly lighting some dimensions of the model’s face.
- Filtered lights on the backdrop but also on the model; no additional lights used.
- The eye closer to the camera is slightly out of focus, and the other side of the face is clearer; sense of perspective and disorientation.
- Glitter motif is repeated: on the face, on the sequins on the sweater.
- Gaze looking away from the camera.
- Dark corners, creates focus and a natural sort of vignette; slightly oppressive and depressing.
3. Anger
Just like how we think of denial as weakness, we tend to see anger as madness. When someone is angry, they are refusing to cope with the situation at hand. When someone is angry, they shut themselves off from communication and cooperation, because they prefer to stay mad at their own out-of-control world. But again—I think it is often the opposite.
Anger can be quiet. Simmering. Not mania or burning heat but a sense of loss so deep and cutting that it resembles more of a cup of cooled, bitter, day-old tea, than a fuming, whistling kettle. Finally, we can look straight into other people’s eyes like we are asking them voicelessly, why? What is the reason for all of this? Anger can be clear-headed and simple; it is the cleansing climax of the story arch, the maximum point of projectile motion where we are neither accelerating upwards nor pivoting down. The tears are gone, and the scar that they have scorched onto our faces heals. There is, however, the remaining, sharp pellet of something foreign in our system.
Techniques used:
- Overhead white lights (cool-toned, very mild, at about 5~10 on the controls), gives enough light to see reflections but keeps it simple.
- No colored lights, representative of the simplicity this phase emphasizes.
- Glitter on the face is removed (or actually, we took this photo set the opposite way around so that we wouldn’t have to clean up the makeup).
- Star at the corner of the eye, gives a point of focus and adds detail.
- Another place of reflection in the streamers; placed closer to the frame, slightly blurred so that the reflection seems more iridescent.
- Golden fabric in the background, adds warm colors to balance the tones, brightens up the image.
- Model looking at the camera for the first and only time.
- No sequins from the sweater are showing so as to make it more simplistic.
4. Depression
Because we so often see it as a synonym for feeling sad, we might find it bizarre that depression is the second-to-last stage of grief. Indeed, it is actually an exit from this world of misery and mourning. “The rain came pouring down when I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe”; it is the final ablution that douses us with the rawest pain, the heaviest fathoming, and the most thorough withdrawal from misery.
By the end of this tortuous, torturous, yet reviving stage, we can face the force of grief that had taken over us: “And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean”.
Techniques used:
- Purple/blue lighting (this time slightly stronger and much more blue, at about 6 on the controls) in the back, lighting the model’s back and the backdrop.
- Overhead white lights (cool-toned, stronger, at about 10 on the controls), lights the model’s face only.
- Extremely tilted frame, model’s face seems to be facing directly upwards, towards the source of light.
- The star on the face is very blurred, but can still be seen and adds more complexity and emotion.
- Streamers in the background are blurred but highly reflective.
- The edge of the backdrop can be seen, but it was not edited out because it fits with the party theme and—in combination with the streamers—actually makes the setting seem less like a studio.
5. Acceptance
This period of our lives has been flushed out of our system. There is new light ahead, and our pain is like our newfound safety net—it reflects the rainbows after the storm, providing us with a backdrop for the future. We have not left unmaimed—that is clear from the missing patches of color in our complexion—but we have left stronger.
Techniques used:
- Blue lighting (extremely mild, at about 1~2 on the controls), providing a bit of a hue for the image in general and adding to the presence of the streamers.
- Filtered lights on the backdrop but also on the model; no additional lights used.
- All makeup and stickers are removed from the face to show the entry into a new phase of life, and the removal of all symbols of pain and grief.
- A piece of sheer, turquoise-shaded, Chiffon-like fabric was put over the top half of the frame, so there is a slight sense of blurriness and discoloration in that spot.