On the surface, this is a fun project I performed with my brother, however, the message goes way deeper than just a few photos of a person’s face. The white wall behind his face symbolizes innocence. He lives in protection and innocence, where the world is full of joy. He lives in a wall of white lies. But who knows what lurks behind these pale white walls?

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Innocence. An adjective to describe someone with a pure heart is often used on children. I was once an innocent child. Energetic, adventurous, whatever it was, I never seemed to be sad. My unlimited energy made everything I touch come to life. That was the purest form of innocence. Life was simple, easy, perhaps too easy. I didn’t see the wickedness that lies in this world, the monstrous social norms, and the malicious nature of humans. All I ever cared for were Legos. But that innocent child is long gone from who I am today.

It wasn’t until middle school that I suddenly felt feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, and unspeakable emotions I had never felt before. 

I was feeling sad. 

Such an unfamiliar feeling. 

The innocence in my heart was diminishing. Slowly devoured by the vicious world. People say, “It’s just part of growing up.” But is it really “just part of growing up”, or is it the revolting society that scars us?  The immense social pressure of “looking good” and “having good grades” confined me. It was the first time I felt pressured by school and “scared” of school. I became this tiny, quiet, insecure boy who collapsed to society, who failed to find his identity. So, he shut his mouth and did all the talking in his head. All this tiny, quiet, insecure boy was taught was to be kind and work hard at school. He is taught how to survive but not how to live. He is taught basic math equations and history that guide him to survival. But how does that teach him how to live? Look at him. He is clueless about his goals in life. He is lost, trapped in his head all day. God knows what he is thinking. 

Why is the sky blue? Why is grass green? Questions I used to ask myself have now become a hurdle that I cannot get across. Overthinking about everything prevents me from prospering academically. The very thing that shaped me into who I am today has now become my biggest enemy. Maybe I did not want to find out. Maybe it was better for me to stay as an innocent child, be that energetic, adventurous boy who lived under a pale white wall of pale white lies where people told him that he looked good, he was smart, and he was good enough. The saddest part? He really believed them. 

The innocent boy dove blindly into a judgmental world that never wanted him. 

Maybe he needs to sit back down before that pale white background, stare at the pale white wall, and live under the pale white lies. Become that innocent child that he once was. Energetic, adventurous, whatever it was, he never seemed to be sad. 

“Oh, he’s back on that stupid chair.”

“God knows what he’s thinking again.”